Family Relationships

This analysis focuses on a selection of letters Sarah Hicks Williams wrote concerning her relationship with her mother-in-law, Avery and oldest sister Mary. The letters are written between 1844 and 1860.

Figure 6.a: From this perspective we can see the Contexts in which Williams wrote about her mother-in-law, otherwise known as Mother Williams. We can see that Williams found her mother-in-law filled with kindness and a hard worker, in addition to set in her ways.

Figure 6.b: This Mandala shows how Williams wrote about her relationship with her mother-in-law, Avery. Consulted is used at one point early on in her marriage because Williams thought it best not to make a blunder, preferred to ask Mother Williams for her opinion before starting any work.

Figure 6.c: Contexts allow us to see how Williams wrote about her sister Mary. From this view we can see that Williams was quite fond of Mary and wanted her to write often. Viewing the context shows how Williams showed growing concern over Mary's disapproval of Benjamin.

Figure 6.d: This Mandala is used to show the discriptors Williams assigned to Mary. Notice how Mary is labeled as kind and calm. Williams did not say much regarding her relationship with Mary but we can see how often Williams wrote to her parents asking their assistance in getting letters from Mary.

Interpreting Williams's relationship with family

Mother-in-Law Avery

Sarah and her mother-in-law, Avery, had a rocky relationship from the start. At times Avery treated Sarah with "kindness," and other times attempted to reassure her parents Mother Williams, as Sarah called her, is treating her well. At first Sarah is impressed with "Mother Williams" who "works harder than any Northern farmers wife [Sarah] knows" (November 7, 1853). Sarah lets her insecurity show about her domestic abilities around her mother-in-law.

Sarah and Mother Williams learned to tolerate each other based on Sarah's letters. After the move from North Carolina to Georgia, Avery is still alive but rarely mentioned except for the occasional note on her health. Sarah is concerned more about her husband's feelings and his dealings with his mother than her own feelings. Sarah is agitated and believes that Avery belittles "Ben" for his choice of her as his wife. Tensions are apparent when Sarah's parents visit and meet Mother Williams. Sarah wrote that Mother William's treatment of her improved since her parents' visit.

Tensions persisted in their marriage because both Sarah and Avery would lay claim to authority vested in the plantation mistress. Similarly, Mary Chesnut's mother-in-law was still alive and well for many years during Chesnut's marriage, her mother-in-law was still considered mistress. Chesnut learned to throw herself into other endeavors, like her husband's political career. Sarah opted to learn from Avery and try to enhance her own skills. The tensions eventually come to head when Benjamin, Sarah, and Avery split the plantation, so the couple could have their own space. Sarah never feels fully comfortable in her new role but when Benjamin moves the family to Burnt Fort, Sarah became full mistress of the new plantation. This helped greatly in easing tensions.

Her Oldest sister Mary

Sarah looked at her oldest sister Mary, from her father's first marriage as a motherly figure. While away at school Sarah continually inquired into Mary's health and status, asking Mary to write her. Sarah is excited when Mary marries James. After their marriage, Mary and James moved to Ohio, while Sarah finished her studies at the Albany Academy for Girls. The move affects and influences the relationship between the two sisters. Mary and James considered themselves abolitionists and this eventually put great strain on the relationship when Sarah married Benjamin.

Sarah described Mary as "calm" and "happy." Also fond of James, Williams spent a great deal of time with the couple before Sarah moved to Brooklyn to assist her middle sister Lucinda and husband Luther with their children. Williams wrote her parents about her excitement over her "Abolitionist Buckeye" and new title of "Aunt" Sarah (April 18, 1845). However, Mary showed her displeasure in Sarah's choice in Benjamin as a husband. In letters to Sarah after her marriage to Benjamin, Mary wrote critically of the match and the numbers of letters written to Sarah over time.

Sarah told her parents she believed Mary "judges the doctor too harshly" for owning slaves January 3, 1856). Williams believed that since Benjamin treated their slaves well, that Mary should not have an issue with the match. Sarah felt slighted again when she hoped to see Mary and James on a trip to Philadelphia, but they did not come. This incident pained Sarah a great deal and wished for her parents to intervene on her behalf. By this point Sarah fully embraced the South and political tensions were at an all-time high. Sarah sent letters out before and during the war asking about Mary, always encouraging her parents to have Mary write to her. Sarah is most excited when she eventually received letters from Mary. However, we do not know the extent the relationship mended because Sarah does not mention her sisters in her final letter addressed to her mother in August 1867.